You know, sometimes I'm not so sure that a quite understands what it means to be a submissive. Like this morning. We were both running terribly late for school and work, and a wanted to get frisky. Since obviously in my last post I was ranting about not getting enough alone time with the poor guy, I was okay with that. For a little bit. I swear that all I did was bite his neck a few times, and that boy was hard as a rock. Mission accomplished. ;) Unfortunately for the poor guy, I had other plans on my mind (school wise and Domme wise...), but all of a sudden he was late for work and I had class in 40 minutes. Grrreat.
I'll spare you the details, but in a nutshell, I stopped messing around. He got a little grumpy and tried to get me to keep going. I said "What ever happened to doing what I want to do?" Hmmph. Eventually, he got mad, said "Fuck it" and got up.
Now, I am not one to start fights and let him run around all day being angry. I'm really not. But this experience went a little (read: wayyy) less than expected. I'm kind of upset because I don't normally leave the guy hanging, and I don't normally get that angry response from him. I can honestly say I'm a tad bit upset pissed. Now, I'm not sure what I am going to do, because I had a lot of things that I was planning on doing tonight, all of them involving a. So, here I am, waiting for him to get out of class and wondering "What the hell am I gonna do?!" I was really excited for tonight, like I said yesterday, and then BAM. I can't really say I'm surprised, though. I'm still really bummed out.
I'm almost hoping that a will get out of class, and we will go home, and things will be semi-right, because I haven't had an enjoyable night in a while, and this was supposed to be my night! I had it all planned out in my head, and I knew how (well, at least WHAT) I wanted to happen. And now, with a few hours on our hands to spare, I'm not so sure that this is going to happen.
I didn't even get to show or send him the BDSM checklist I was so stirred up about. Sad faces.
So here I am. Back to the drawing board I go... Grumble.
-S
Whoever said life isn't fair: you are so right. I seriously think it has been about three or four weeks since a and I have had any fun at all. :( It really, really sucks because I almost feel bored with life right now, and 16 hour school and work days are not going to keep me going very much longer. Honestly, I feel a lot of disconnect with a right now, and it's a terrible feeling. I haven't even been able to cuddle up with him and watch a movie in a while now; the daily routine has become school, work, school, homework, sleep. Granted, this is one of his biggest and most important semesters to date, and I need to do well in the classes I have also, but damn. I feel like the life and happiness is being drained out of me. I'm running on caffeine, coffee, and little sleep, and sooner or later, something's gonna give. I really hope that it is me, and not a. He cannot afford to mess up, and I know that probably sounds shitty, but he needs room to give everything he's got. I will sacrifice myself to take the bullet right now. Poor guy. :(
So much for that Punishment Plan. I haven't had time to breathe, let alone sit down and think about my personal life. And here I was, thinking we were about to get our big break & settle into the life. I'm a little bit (read: a lot) disappointed that we haven't been able to search and explore further, because it's something that I am really interested in pursuing, and I know that a would love to tag along for the ride. I would give a whole hell of a lot to be able to have a few extra hours in the days to come; I feel like I could certainly find a way to make those hours worth it, don't you? ;)
I'm chomping at the bit to be able to jump on a and have some fun. Like I said, it's been a while, and I have a ton of pent up horny-ness that I would love to unload on a. I guess I almost feel neglected, and I know that is not a's intention, at all. It's understandable, but I really enjoy the little time I actually do have my love to myself (believe it or not). I think I am getting to the point where I will willingly tear him away from his work and jump him. I may have to do just that, because otherwise there is no winning. Sometimes I just want to beat him with a spoon.
Maybe it's just because it's winter time, but I do feel rather depressed and sad.
In other news, I was perusing the interwebs at my own leisure yesterday, and I managed to stumble onto a website that had a downloadable BDSM checklist. Get this: it was in Excel! I should warn you, my love has quite a relationship with Excel, and I feel like a nerd, but it was kinda cool! :P I can't wait to show it to a and have him fill it out; I'm working on doing mine as I type! I saw that there were over 300 items to fill out, and my initial thought was, "Why in the world...?" but now I am super excited, because this is just another opportunity to get to know a... that much better! I'm a little worried about what he may/may not want, but mostly because I am probably worried his wants will be different from mine. But never one to rain on a parade, I can deal with it. Life is full of compromise, and a and I have done things and explored things I never would have thought I would do. Ever. I think this could be really fun and open a few new doors for both of us, and I really hope he takes it seriously.
I think that we both need a nice, long weekend to be together and enjoy each others' company, and alas... this weekend will not be the one. :(
a tutors on Saturdays, and I am going to see my family on Sunday for the first time in a while (the last time I saw them, it was Thanksgiving...), plus a has a semi-commitment Sunday anyway (grumble). So, with that being said, the amount of alone time with a that I am seeking is not going to come in-between running across the county and back all day. I stand defeated, and this issue had better resolve itself. If I don't get alone time with him by the time next weekend rolls around (it might not happen: it's almost time for tests and preparing for midterms!?) I might just rip his hair out and force him to be mine for an hour or two.
Yipes!
Hopefully there will be (at least some) good news to come. I can't wait!
-S
You know, sometimes I'm not so sure that a quite understands what it means to be a submissive. Like this morning. We were both running terribly late for school and work, and a wanted to get frisky. Since obviously in my last post I was ranting about not getting enough alone time with the poor guy, I was okay with that. For a little bit. I swear that all I did was bite his neck a few times, and that boy was hard as a rock. Mission accomplished. ;) Unfortunately for the poor guy, I had other plans on my mind (school wise and Domme wise...), but all of a sudden he was late for work and I had class in 40 minutes. Grrreat. 